I feel pretty confident as a writer of novels, but I have always felt I am terrible at writing query letters and blurbs. I'd love to get some opinions from you all as I go about writing the blurb to my forthcoming epic fantasy novel The Shard. (tentative publishing date is May 1)
Here is my first attempt:
A dying king. A mysterious invader. The seer's vision was clear—find the lost shard from the Spire of Peace or the realm would drown in blood. The problem—eight hundred years ago the elven hero Kathkalan took the shard with him into the lair of the most vicious dragon ever known to mankind...and he never returned.
Fate draws together a most unlikely group of heroes: a minor noble who, after losing his heir in a tragic accident, is desperate to protect his two remaining sons; a pair of elderly rangers who are the first to learn of the deadly invaders sweeping toward the Known Lands; a tinker's son heading to East Gate to serve his two years of duty protecting the realm; an ancient elf warrior out to learn what happened to her lover Kathkalan; and three dwarves on a secret mission to reclaim their lost homeland. Each must overcome impossible odds if they are to find the lost shard and save the realm.
Honestly I can't judge it. The more I read it the more fault I find in it, yet each time I try to rewrite it I feel that I'm only making it worse! If you are a reader of epic fantasy and are not part of the group that thinks elves and dwarves and such are overdone, would such a blurb interest you? Thanks in advance for any suggestions.
Can the second paragraph work better like this?
Fate draws together a most unlikely group of heroes:
- a minor noble who, after losing his heir in a tragic accident, is desperate to protect his two remaining sons;
- a pair of elderly rangers who are the first to learn of the deadly invaders sweeping toward the Known Lands;
- a tinker's son heading to East Gate to serve his two years of duty protecting the realm;
- an ancient elf warrior out to learn what happened to her lover Kathkalan;
- three dwarves on a secret mission to reclaim their lost homeland.
Each must overcome impossible odds if they are to find the lost shard and save the realm.